The “Real” Reasons Your Kid Can’t Tie Yet!

 

There is so much going on in the news in regards to education these days.  The Common Core Craze has changed the way teachers teach and Kindergarten is the new second grade.  That said, there are many things that teachers are teaching that are not remotely on our politicians radar.  Manners, character, and self care skills are just a few.  However, the list is endless.

Anyway, learning how to tie your own shoes is a rite of passage that turns your child into a “big girl” or a “big boy”.  Think back to when you were little and you learned how to tie.  I would bet that your parents or older sibling taught you how to tie.  It takes practice and a certain amount of motivation.  Both the adult and the child need to be motivated in order for the child to learn the skill.  The adult is usually motivated to get the child to tie for themselves so A) they aren’t tripping on their laces and B) so there is one less thing for the grown up to do.  The child is usually motivated to tie because they are excited to be a “big kid”.

When are children ready to tie?

Some children are ready to tie before they even start kindergarten.  Many are ready to learn in their kindergarten year.  Keep in mind this means children who are four and a half and five years old.  It always concerns me when I see a third grader in the halls with untied shoes and when I ask them to tie their shoes for safety, they end up telling me that no one ever showed them how.  It’s easy to buy slip on shoes and Velcro, but kids still need to learn how to tie.  I think sometimes it simply slips parents minds that they need to teach this skill, just like zipping, wiping and washing hands in the bathroom and using a fork and spoon.  Life is hectic and busy, but before you know it you have a ten year old who can’t tie.  Uh-oh!

Of course, some children have motor or learning difficulties that interfere with their ability to easily acquire this skill.  When this is the case, an Occupational Therapist may be the one who ends up teaching them, which is totally appropriate.  If you have a child that receives OT and you are concerned about their ability to perform self care skills, definitely let the OT know.  You may think that the OT should automatically know this or look at this, but the truth is that school based OTs are really supposed to work on skills that directly impact a child’s education.  Not just handwriting (MYTH!) but copying from the board, visual processing, motor coordination, using two hands to manipulate school tools and many other things that affect a child’s ability to learn the curriculum.

I’ve had parents ask me to work on riding a bike, because their child can’t ride with the family or the kids in the neighborhood.  That stinks! An OT will absolutely know how to teach a child to ride a bike, because it’s all about balance, coordination and motor planning.  However, riding a bike has nothing to do with school.  I always feel bad when I explain this to a parent.  I can work on motor planning, coordination and balance, but bicycles are on the other side of the line.

Untied shoes can be a safety issue for a child with special needs.  Shoe-tying is a self care skill and that is school appropriate. So children who have motor or learning difficulties may end up learning how to tie at school.   Everyone else will (hopefully) learn at home.  I think I’ve taught at least a hundred kids to tie over the years.  And I’ve found that there are a few simple reasons why it’s so hard for some kids to tie.

Postural stability

Children who are low tone or have weak core muscles have a very hard time holding their trunk upright and managing the steps to tie. Even children who are simply young have trouble with this.  It’s just too many things to conquer.  You may notice that your child will use one hand to kind of hold themselves up.  This obviously interferes with the ability to tie because they need to manage both laces.

The easiest way to fix this problem is to have the child sit with their back against a wall or something flat.  Try to get them to put their bottom all the way to the back of the wall. Kids often round their backs and scoot their bottoms forward, which provides less support.

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Notice how she is propped against the cabinet and her left leg is tucked out of the way

Positioning

So now the child is seated with their back against a wall.  What next?  Have you ever tried to do that thing where you tap your head and rub your belly at the same time?  This takes a lot of motor planning and the ability to do different things with different body parts at the same time.  Tough Stuff.  So the next tricky thing is getting the child’s body in a position that makes it easy to manage reaching their feet.   We already took care of their trunk by propping it against the wall.  Now we need to get their legs in a good position.  Decide what shoe you want to tie.  Then tuck the other leg underneath and out of the way.  Bend the knee of the tying foot up towards the chin.  The hard part here will be getting the knee to stay there.  I sometimes tell my kids that they should rest their chin on that knee.  It helps keep it in place.  For kids who are a little chunky, the knee usually falls to the side.  This also happens to kids who are low tone.  The only problem with this is that now, the bow will be on the Inside of the foot, instead of the Middle of the foot on top of the tongue.  Although this isn’t the biggest problem in the world, it’s harder to tie because the laces aren’t the same length anymore. Also, the laces will probably dangle on the inside of the foot, making it more likely that the child will trip on them or step on them. So get that knee under the chin.

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Having the child place the chin on the knee keeps the leg and the bow nice and straight.

Bilateral Coordination

Some children still don’t have great bilateral coordination at the age of 5. Bilateral coordination is the ability to use two sides of your body at once. Sometimes it is hard for a child to keep their first hand holding the loop while the second hand does the next step.  I always tell the child “you have to hold onto the bunny, or he will hop away!”  As I said before, sometimes a child will take that hand away and lean on it, using it as a support.  That goes back to the postural control and positioning.  It can be hard to tell why they are taking that first hand away (difficulty with using two hands at once?  or the need to hold themselves up?) but if you get them against a wall in the right position, you may eliminate that urge to take the hand off the loop and put it behind them.

 The Laces

Length -Children’s laces should be the right length, of course.  But  very often they aren’t.  At least they aren’t the right length for a kid who is learning how to tie.  The  laces should be long enough to give the child some leeway as they are learning.  But they can’t be too long or it becomes a big mess AND they will trip on them even after they are tied.  So what is the perfect lace length?  It depends on the size of the shoe, but I recommend that the  laces should be between 11-13 inches long from the tongue (after the shoes are laced).  The Dollar Tree sells packs of laces for a dollar in all different sizes.  If your laces are too short or too long, you really should get a new pair of laces.  It makes a world of difference.  For some reason, kids want to hold the first loop or “bunny ear” with their whole fist, instead of pinching it with their two fingers.  If the laces are too short, they disappear in that little hand.  You need laces that are long enough to work with.

Texture – Now this may seem ridiculous, but it’s really true.  Some of the new funky sneakers come with cool laces that are just too silky!  They are usually round, too.   I prefer the plain old flat cotton laces. They tie easily and they stay tied.  The silky ones tie, but because of their round shape and silky texture, they come united right away.  Little kids usually don’t have great hand strength to tie the final bow super tight.  Those silky laces are like Houdini.  Out of that knot in a few minutes.

Visual Attention 

For some children, half the battle is getting their eyes to look at what they are doing.  For children with very poor visual attention, I recommend teaching one step at a time.  I find that children who are motivated and feeling successful do much better with keeping their eyes on what they are doing. By teaching only step one over and over a few times, the child learns it and then feels successful.  Feeling like something is achievable or within their reach makes it more enticing and may help with the visual focus a bit.

Visual Perception

Some OT catalogs sell toys, books, and other gadgets with laces that are two colors.  This is great for kids whop rely heavily on visual feedback.  I really prefer to teach kids to tie on their foot though.  Otherwise you end up teaching them twice.

shoes

Just one of the many tools out there with different colored laces….

If your child has difficulty with left/right or spatial concepts such as over/under, it may help to use different colored laces.  Buy two colors that are the same length.  Then cut them both in half and tie them back together with the opposite color.  Lace the shoe so the knot is at the bottom in between the first two holes.  Now when you are helping your child you can say, “the pink lace” rather than left, right, this one, that one, etc.  It just takes away one more obstacle.

Sequencing and Motor Planning

Sometimes the real problem is remembering the steps.  I like to use a story or a poem to help the child because it helps them to remember what happens next.  I prefer to use the one loop method but you can teach it however you like.  There are so many different versions of how to teach it but if you get their body in a good supported position with the other leg out of the way, you are halfway there.

I use the bunny and the snake story. First you make the letter X.  I teach the child to make the X on the shoe, not in the air, because it is more work to hold the two laces up and manipulate them than to leave them down.  Then I help the child find the lace on top.  (This is where the two colors come in handy).  The lace that is on top goes underneath and into the middle. If you tied it correctly, it should look like a piece of twisty macaroni.

rotelli

Now the child has to make a loop.  This is the bunny, who sits on “macaroni hill”.   I always talk to kids about how bunnies hop on the ground, so it’s important that he doesn’t look like a flying balloon. “Bunnies don’t fly!” Don’t forget to give the bunny a nice long tail.  The other lace is the snake.  Depending on the child, you can make the snake mean and hungry (you can guess the end) or nice.  I like to have a snake in the story because I can tell the child that the end of the lace (the plastic part) is the snake’s face.  This helps them remember that they need to work with the snake’s belly, not his face, in the middle of the story.  “He might bite you!  Don’t touch his face.  Be Careful!”

The snake decides to sneak up behind the bunny.  This part of the story helps a child to remember where the lace needs to go.  “You would never walk in front of the bunny if you were trying to be sneaky…”  Then the snake loops around and hides his face in the forest.  This is the hard part for a lot of kids.  They keep wanting to pick up the end of the lace. “Watch out!  He’ll bite you.  Not his face, grab his belly!”

The snake pushes his belly through the hole that he made when he walked around.  I tell the child  to “pinch the snakes belly”.  The other hand hops to the top of the bunny ear and then both hands pull.  You can have the snake hug the bunny and invite him to lunch (awww) or eat the bunny for lunch (ewww).  You will know what your child will like and remember.

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It doesn’t matter what story or method you use.  But having a story with steps that help a child to sequence and motor plan their movements  really helps.

I really hope these insights will help you to help your child to tie!  Please comment and tell us if you have any other good tips! Good Luck!

Thanks for stopping by!

Thanks for stopping by!

~Miss Jaime, OT

 

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18 thoughts on “The “Real” Reasons Your Kid Can’t Tie Yet!

  1. Katherine Collmer says:

    Hi, Jamie! Love your site and this blog post! I have been looking for a great resource for parents on tying shoes! Thanks. I just have two items I’d like to address relative to other points in the blog. 1. Handwriting difficulties do impact on a child’s educational success. While we don’t “teach” handwriting, we do, as you state so clearly, remediate those underlying skills that handwriting utilizes for mastery. I think that it is not a myth that we work to enhance handwriting. We do. It may not be the only facet of education that we work on, I truly agree. But in this day and sge, it is a very important fact that we are – and should be – taking the lead on helping students enhance this very important skill. 2. While we don’t help children to ride a bike directly, we should not turn parents’ concerns away by telling them that we cannot work on that in school. We are, indeed, working on that when we work on all of those other school-related skills that you mentioned (balance, motor planning). It would better serve OT as a profession if we offered them encouragement by sharing ideas about how they can transfer the skills we are working on to the bike skills at home. That’s trully a functional transfer of skills – real OT. Again, I do love your site and admire your OT knowledge. Just wanted to help parents understand that we, as OTs, can help with function at every level. Thanks for listening!

    • Jaime S says:

      Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment, Katherine. You bring up some great points! I do agree that it is important to give parents ideas to help carry over skills at home – I feel strongly about that. I guess I had a bit of a hard time skirting a different issue because I don’t want to offend anyone. Sometimes, I have found some parents may be confused about the role of school based OT’s and therefore don’t teach some of the skills at home because they assume their child will learn it at school. (Such as the third grader who never learned to tie). To your other point, I feel very strongly that handwriting does impact education. I can’t wait to read your blog posts for some tips and strategies to add to my routine!

  2. Sarah says:

    Hi Jamie! I am excited to start following your blog. I am an OT too, but work primarily with adults. I have a little toddler, who I am always looking for tips for! Keep up the good work!

  3. Christina says:

    Hi, Jaime! I am so lucky to work with you at school and see you “work your magic” firsthand with my own Kindergarten students! I have noticed that learning to tie shoes is so frustrating for many kiddos in my classes throughout the years…I have even had one of the “late bloomers” that you mentioned…nearly 10 years old (Third Grade) and couldn’t tie her own sneakers yet! The more time spent successfully practicing (few times daily is all it usually takes), and the more feedback/guidance/pointers given during the practicing, the quicker children pick up on what to do. I have recently had some concerned parents come to me for advice on shoe-tying. I cannot wait to share your idea for different color shoe laces, and I have my sneakers ready, to your bunny and snake story as soon as I’m done commenting. Thank you for your helpful post! I appreciate you being awesome and standing up for what’s right in our schools. We can’t let our youngsters graduate Kindergarten without the best posture/pencil grip/letter formations that they can have. Or they won’t have stamina to keep up with the growing demand for written work in future school years. Keep advocating for those little ones’ motor skills’ sake! As always…you’re the best!

  4. Rhiannon says:

    This is a great blog with lots of fantastic tips. But my main issue is simply that my 6yo refuses to let me teach him anything and will not even give it a try! How do I get him to let me help him learn??

  5. Karen Bechtel says:

    Hi Jaime..love your blog! Especially the idea about having different colored laces ..because when its all the same colour it’s hard to keep track of where the laces are supposed to go..and that’s what my son was struggling with.. so we’re going to take it in steps too..so it keeps his attention and it’s not so frustrating..thanks for the tips..I was feeling a little defeated..he’s in grade 3 now..and it’s time for him to learn this skill..I tried earlier ..but they’re was always a fight and no interest to learn..I also feel like a will be a better teacher to him now!

  6. Morgan says:

    I just have to comment and say THANK YOU!!!! I used your bunny and snake story and my 7.5 year old finally learned how to tie her shoes this morning. We have been working on it weekly for 2.5 years and she just did not get it. She is easily frustrated and has somewhat poor fine motor skills which has made tying shoes feel like an impossible task. She is so proud and confessed that she has been humiliated this year because she’s the only one still wearing Velcro shoes in first grade. I shared your blog post with everyone I could think of. Thank you!!!!

  7. Kris says:

    I have a 9 (nearly 10) that has trouble threading a belt onto pants, can not tie shoe laces, and has trouble reading etc. he isn’t handicapped in anyway, but also has the mentality of 4-5 year old.

    I’m wondering what to do with the shoe tying and basic things. He still wets his pants and gives up on himself very easy. We don’t do maths homework with him a day he can not stand that. We try and make him do homework but it turns out to be just arguing and he is distracted by anything . He really has an immature attitude towards everything and likes to aggravate his siblings and basically acts like 4 year old in many ways.

    Would an occupational therapist help?

    • Jaime S says:

      Hi Kris,

      I think you need to speak to your physician. It sounds like your child has significant developmental delays. Yes, in that case, an OT would help. However, I would rule out any medical issues and make sure that your child is properly evaluated and diagnosed (if there is a diagnosis). It is very rare for a ten-year-old to have the maturity of a five-year-old. I would make an appointment with your pediatrician right away. Make sure you make a list of everything you are concerned about before you meet with the Dr. The Dr. needs to be fully informed. This way he can make the proper recommendations.

  8. Tina says:

    My son is 6 years old I have showed him his older sister has tried to teach him. I had my nephew who is also 6 years old show him but my son still can’t tie his shoe. He still doesn’t recognize all his letters and numbers I’m worried because we teach and go over them so much. He still uses both hands to write and his left hand to play sports. We are all right handed so I’m wondering if he needs to learn from a left hand person. I ask the school to evaluate him in kindergarten they said he had to wait until he got in 1st grade. I still don’t see any improvement I’m really concerned want to catch any problem early.

  9. Louise says:

    Hello from the uk ? My older kids junior school banned shoes with laces for the safety aspect because there were to many kids who did know how to tie.. It made it SO much hard for them to learn without the daily need to do it.
    I’ve had trouble with teaching my 9 year old, tried many different ways. Found the methods of pushing the ends back on themselves into the hole they come out then tie the two loops. It been a game changer. She’s is still very reluctant rather than proud though…

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